Chances are, you have already tried or personally know someone who is into online dating. As compared to the initial popular reaction towards internet dating sites in the 90s, people have now developed a more welcoming attitude. Several researches have looked into how major services such as match.com, OkCupid, Tinder, Meetup, and Plenty of Fish (POF) have revolutionized the dating world.
Psychotherapist Nathan Feiles writes that he often gets asked how to convince a loved one to go to therapy. He says that these friends or spouses tend to fall into two different categories: 1.) People who are concerned about the noticeable symptoms in their loved ones, and 2.) People who feel frustrated with their loved one’s behaviors. In the second scenario, you might want to consider seeing an individual therapist yourself or asking your partner about couples therapy. Otherwise, you should find out what’s holding your spouse back from seeking help from a therapist.
REASONS SOMEONE MIGHT REFUSE THERAPY
Your spouse might turn down the opportunity to talk to a counselor for any number of reasons. Although awareness of mental illnesses and disorders has increased dramatically in recent years, there is still a stigma about mental health. Your spouse might feel ashamed or embarrassed, or they may sincerely believe they don’t have a problem. Perhaps your spouse doesn’t want to talk to a “stranger” about personal matters, or maybe they had negative experiences with therapy in the past.
Your partner could have more legitimate reasons for refusing to see a therapist, such as not having enough time, or believing that therapy is too expensive. If your spouse has mentioned that they’re too busy or don’t have the money to afford counseling, you could help them out by doing some research of your own. Look in to free or low-cost therapy options, or therapists who are available in the evenings or weekends.
BE HONEST AND ENCOURAGE YOUR PARTNER
Once you know why your partner doesn’t want to go to therapy, it’s easier for you to relate to them and explain your concerns. Be honest with your partner, but remember to be calm and kind. Instead of assuming they have a mental illness or disorder, mention what behaviors in particular make you worry about them. For example, don’t say, “I think you have depression, so you should get some help.” Rather, try this: “It saddens me to see you feeling so upset and distant lately.” This will likely lead to a much better conversation.
If your partner doesn’t think they have a problem, or that their symptoms aren’t “bad enough” to visit a therapist, you could ask them to take a mental health screening online to check for common symptoms of mental illnesses. You can also do some research together about what therapy entails and costs of treatment. Offer to help them find a therapist, go to the first session with your spouse, or simply bring them to their appointment. Doing little things to encourage your spouse can make a world of difference.
WHAT NOT TO SAY TO YOUR SPOUSE
If you sincerely want your spouse to seek therapeutic treatment, it’s important to stay patient and supportive of them while they consider it. 1 in 5 adults will experience a mental illness at some point in their lives, and if your spouse is suffering, they need love and support more than ever now. If you suspect your partner is struggling with any type of mental illness, avoid doing the following:
- Tell them they need therapy in the heat of an argument.
- Say that they should stop “overreacting” or to just “get over it.”
- Say that they’re “crazy” or “insane.”
- Joke about dying or suicide. (For example, “My job makes me want to kill myself.”)
- Dismiss other forms of treatment, such as antidepressants or other medications.
SET HEALTHY BOUNDARIES
When your partner is struggling mentally or emotionally, it can make you feel more anxious and stressed out. Remember that you need to take care of yourself before you can be helpful to your spouse, and your healthy behaviors may encourage your partner to do the same. Get enough sleep, cook healthy meals, and exercise to maintain good physical health.
For your own emotional and mental well-being, make sure you have time for yourself. Make plans with friends to unwind once in a while, practice self-care, keep up with your hobbies, and let your partner know what your boundaries are. Let them know what you can and can’t tolerate and stick to these limits. This “tough love” approach can help your spouse realize how their emotions affect others and can make them decide to give therapy a try.
For more guidance, visit Couples Clinic.