Blog Posts

Could My Spouse Have an Undiagnosed Mental Illness?

12/11/2018

According to the World Health Organization (WHO), one in four people worldwide will experience a mental illness at some point in their lives, but only a third of these people will seek help from a doctor or therapist. It’s a common health issue that millions of people will deal with, but due to stigma, embarrassment, or lack of knowledge, many people suffer on their own.

Therapist Shannon Thomas says, "Most partners recognize changes in their loved one quicker than anyone else in the partner's life,” so if you start noticing your spouse is acting differently, it’s important to consider the possibility of an underlying mental health problem.

Signs of a Possible Untreated Mental Illness

Signs and symptoms vary among different people who suffer from mental illness and sometimes they may show up in unexpected ways. People with depression, for example, may not cry much or seem sad. Instead, they can seem distant, irritable, or emotionless. Before you think your spouse is simply upset or lazy, look out for other signs that they might have an untreated mental illness:

They seem to get angry or frustrated more easily. If your usually laid-back spouse starts getting irritated over minor issues, this may be a sign of depression or anxiety.

Their sleep schedule changes. Many common mental illnesses can cause people to either sleep much more than usual, or cause them to have difficulty sleeping.

They may seem “spacey.” Thomas says, “Someone who once was organized may find themselves missing deadlines, forgetting to pick up kids on time, and seeing other adult-life duties becoming really messy and disorganized."

They have unexplained aches or pains. Mental illnesses can take a physical toll. People may frequently complain of headaches, stomach aches, fatigue, or a loss of appetite.

Their personal hygiene is suffering. Licensed social worker Patti Sabla says, "People with depression can sometimes neglect self-care: not showering or brushing teeth, or wearing the same clothes several days in a row.” Feelings of hopelessness or exhaustion can make everyday tasks difficult for people with a mental illness.

They’re reluctant to talk about future goals. This is especially common for people with depression and anxiety. If your spouse has given up on something they used to be passionate about or doesn’t seem to care about their future, make sure to check in with them.

Encourage Them to Be Honest and to Seek Help

Mental health therapist Devin Pinkston says, "Don't wait until someone is at their worst to get them help.” Encourage your spouse to talk to you about what they’re feeling and suggest that they visit their doctor. If they’re reluctant to make an appointment or don’t believe they could have a mental illness, you could ask them to take a mental health screening test first.

If your spouse gets a professional diagnosis from their doctor, they may start taking medications or begin looking for therapists. Remember that although these treatments are often very helpful, your spouse may not start feeling better for weeks, or they might need to try different psychiatric medications before finding one that helps. Encourage your spouse to be patient until they find something that works for them.

Do Your Research

Whether your spouse has been recently diagnosed or you just suspect they may have a mental illness, make sure to find accurate, up-to-date information. Check out online resources such as the Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA) to learn more about common symptoms of mental illnesses or different treatments for your spouse.

Mental illnesses can often be misunderstood and symptoms may be mistaken for other conditions. For example, studies show that girls are often diagnosed with anxiety or depression when they’re really struggling with ADHD. Depression can sometimes be hard to distinguish from bipolar disorder. For these reasons, it would be best for you to encourage your spouse to seek a diagnosis from a doctor so you understand the reasons behind their behavior and learn how to help them.

How You Can Help

When your spouse is struggling with their mental health, you may feel helpless. It’s difficult to see someone you love struggling to care for themselves or finish daily tasks; however, you should also avoid becoming an enabler. Here are a few practical tips to help your spouse cope:

Be empathetic. Avoid telling your spouse to “just try harder,” or “it could be worse.”

Don’t take symptoms personally. Imagine that your spouse has the flu. You wouldn’t be upset if they have a fever because it’s part of the illness! The same goes for mental health; if your spouse has depression, don’t blame yourself if they express feeling hopeless.

Take care of yourself. Staying physically healthy and setting boundaries will help you help your spouse. You might even want to see a therapist yourself to express frustrations and concerns, and to get professional advice.

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Are Men Really From Mars?

12/4/2018

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Yesterday we talked about the stereotypes and misconceptions perpetuated by the runaway bestseller Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, by John Gray. Published back in the 90s, Gray’s book suggests that men and women are so inherently different they are unable to communicate with each other.

In fact, human brains are more similar than different and there are better ways of thinking about how best to facilitate communication between people. Though there may be some trends like a more male-type brain is linked to autism, in fact those male-type brains may be housed in a female body.

Is there Any Truth to the Idea Men and Women are Like Chalk and Cheese?

Often when someone makes a bold statement like, men and women are fundamentally different when it comes to relationship needs and the ways they communicate, there is some element of truth. Is there any truth to the idea that men and women are so different they could have come from different planets?

While it is true that men are, on average, more likely to develop certain psychological or psychiatric conditions (e.g. psychopathy), that doesn’t mean there are no female psychopaths. Nor does it mean that all men have psychopathic tendencies. But there are a few trends and tendencies that are more likely to be associated with men than with women.

Men tend to be better able to rotate objects through space in their minds and can be more prone to aggressive behaviour. They are slightly less prone to developing depression and also likely to have a shorter life span.

What’s at the Root of Differences Between Men and Women?

Though some differences between the sexes have been noted in various studies, what has remained more elusive is being able to determine whether those differences are a result of biology or environmental influences. From very early on infants and children are bombarded with subtle (and not-so-subtle) socialization cues that impact behaviour.

Some studies suggest that women have an advantage when it comes to verbal abilities and men are slightly better at visuospatial processing. To date, studies relating to memory and gender are mixed and inconsistent.

Though aggressive behaviour is more likely to be seen in men than women, it is very difficult to say whether this is because of social conditioning or innate biological causes like males having higher testosterone levels (though a direct link between testosterone levels and aggression has not been definitively proven). Though some studies suggest that women are better than men at interpreting emotional cues and are more empathetic, again it’s hard to say whether this is because girls receive more early training in this area than boys.

Sex-linked behavioural differences are murky and far from the straightforward cause and effect relationship suggested by Gray’s book.

Can Men Learn to Change Behaviour and Better Understand their Partners?

What may be challenging for some men is not quite knowing what the current expectations are in terms of relationship roles and communication strategies. Books like The Five Love Languages for Men: Tools for Making a Good Relationship Great, by Gary Chapman may be more useful than black-and-white proclamations like those in Men are from Mars.

Though the book’s title suggests that men will reap the primary benefit, by providing clear, specific strategies for communication, Chapman’s ideas cross gender boundaries and look at communication strategies used by both men and women (read our post about the five love languages here).

At Couples Clinic we understand that relationships between men and women can be complicated and it can be hard to navigate the waters of communication between partners. The same can be said of other types of relationships as well. Whether you are looking for support and guidance in your work, family, or other relationships, get in touch with our office to schedule a consultation.

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Are Women Really from Venus?

11/27/2018

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Remember the book, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, by John Gray? Gray’s premise was pretty simple: men and women are fundamentally different. They process the world differently and, as a result, sometimes their relationships are fraught with challenges.

Male and Female Brains Blend Characteristics

But is this basic premise actually true? Brain image studies show that male and female brains are a mix of male and female characteristics. There is no such thing (from a physiological perspective) as a female brain or a male brain. Instead, each of us has a mix of qualities considered to be feminine or masculine.

The Oversimplification of “Mars vs Venus”

Gray’s book simplified the differences between men and women to a point where his observations (based on personal experience and generally not supported by any legitimate scientific studies) fell into the realm of stereotypes.

Men want to be in control and find solutions to problems, Gray stated, whereas women don’t care so much about solutions to problems but would rather spend time just talking about whatever’s going on. By reducing complex human behaviours and interactions into such simple terms we make it very difficult to explore the potential richness of interpersonal relationships.

Men and Women Share Many Traits

So, are there any qualities that could be considered truly, uniquely feminine? In an absolute sense, not really. Masculine and feminine behaviour exists on a continuum and one’s genitals do not reliably predict where you will fall on the scale of expressing any given trait.

Very masculine men may exhibit certain very feminine characteristics and the reverse is also true. The most masculine of women will be more ‘manly’ than the most feminine of men. What research has shown, though, is that if we compare averages, there are certain traits that could be considered to be more likely to be associated with women and others more likely to be associated with men.

Nature versus Nurture and Gender Differences

There is still considerable debate as to the relative influence of biology and social conditioning play in terms of how we perceive gender and gender roles. It’s hard to tease out how much of our behaviour is the result of social conditioning and the subtle teaching that goes on from the day we are born. There are, however, some biological differences between the genders that have an impact on behaviour and psychology. Women, for example, are found (on average) to care more about people over things, are more vulnerable to depression, and tend to smile more than their average male counterparts.

But the fact some men are more likely to be susceptible to developing psychopathy and some women more likely to stay at home and nurture the children is a long way from saying that all men speak Martian and, therefore, cannot fully understand women and their Venusian ways.

We Are All Humans on Planet Earth

Yes, men and women do experience the world differently due to purely physical differences (women can get pregnant and go through menopause, men are usually physically stronger and larger), but in the end we are all human, each of us unique in our gender experiences. Perhaps the more valuable questions to ask are what it means to be human and how our best to share our common experiences and understand our differences.

At Couples Clinic we consider men, women, children, and families to be unique and complex, with common goals and desires for safety, security, love, and compassion. We all long to create and maintain strong, healthy bonds with others. Get in touch to see how we can help you explore and strengthen your relationships with others whether in the workplace, at home, in your friendships or with your family of origin.

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What Exactly is Sex Therapy?

10/16/2018

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Talking about what happens, or frankly what doesn’t happen, in the bedroom can be overwhelming for many couples; but sexuality is an important part of maintaining a healthy relationship. Between kids, full time jobs, and the general stresses of life, it can be hard for couples to connect behind closed doors. With a limited or poor sex life, couples often find their relationships strained. The lack of intimacy can spill over into your daily conversations and actions, causing partners to become distant. If you feel stuck in this cycle, it may be time to see a sex therapist.

Just Like Any Other Therapy

Contrary to popular belief, sex therapy is just like any other form of therapy. There is nothing kinky or shameful about it. If you or your partner has erectile dysfunction, a low libido, or simply never feels in the mood, a sex therapist will offer a safe, comforting space for you to work through your problems. Sex therapy is not too different from your typical marriage and family counseling. It is usually a form a of psychotherapy that takes into account physical issues. Psychiatrists can help you break down the emotional issues that may be causing physical problems, such as erectile dysfunction. By getting to the root of the problem, a sex therapist can guide you to extinguish the major sexual issues you are facing.

Conversation is Key

When it comes to sexual health, many people are afraid to talk about their issues, even with their own partners. This is where a therapist can step in to help. If you are having sex with your partner but are still leaving unfulfilled, it is important you explain your emotional issues to your partner. This can be a difficult conversation to have, especially after years of marriage. A sex therapist can help you and your partner set up an open line of communication, so you can confidently discuss each others needs.

A sex therapist may also help you become more mindful and aware in the bedroom. After years of marriage, sex can seem like a chore, when in reality, it should be a sensual shared experience that connects you and your partner. Through mindfulness training, you will learn to become more present in the bedroom. Instead of worrying about your next project at work or what you will cook for dinner, a sex therapist will help you clear your mind, so you can focus on your partner. When mindfulness and open communication combine, your sexual relationship will flourish, and hopefully that success will bleed into other aspects of your shared life.

More Than Just Talking

When you decide to visit a sex therapist, their first step is typically to talk to you and your partner separately to pinpoint the major problems in your relationship. This is an important hurdle to jump over, because at the start, partners may feel insecure talking about their kinks, or lack thereof, in front of each other. Your therapists will also talk about your history. Were your parents close, have you ever been sexually assaulted or abused? These questions will help dig into your emotional walls. But don’t expect a sexual therapy session to just be a long talk about your feelings. Although it is important to break those barriers, once you have reached a comfortable emotional space, your therapist may start assigning you sexual homework.

Your therapist will not recommend a wild task, like getting involved in a threesome. Instead, they might have you sit in front of each other naked. It might seem silly, since you’ve probably seen each other naked over the years, but this time your therapist might suggest you really look at each other in your most vulnerable state. This will help connect you mentally and physically. Once you get over a small hurdle like this, your therapist may offer more sensual exercises, including light touching. The goal of these homework assignments are not to make you feel forced together, but rather to make you and your partner comfortable with each other. The end goal is these exercises should naturally lead to sex.

If you feel like your poor sex life is affecting your relationship, a sex therapist may be able to help you. These professional sessions will be a deep, emotional rollercoaster, but if you stick it out, a therapist may be able to save your marriage.

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4 Ways to Rekindle Intimacy in a Relationship

10/9/2018

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After years of marriage, caring for kids, and demanding careers, it's easy for couples to fall into a routine. Experiencing the same unremarkable cycle everyday can cause a strain on couples, and could ultimately lead to divorce. According to researchers, most couples have an intimate and passionate “honeymoon phase” for roughly two years. After that time, many couples start to become complacent with each other. If you have found yourself in that rutt, there are ways out of the cycle, starting with the bedroom.

Revitalize Your Sexual Chemistry

When you become so busy with life’s stressors, it's easy to push your sexual relationship aside. There are so many easy excuses to come up with, “I’m tired. The kids with hear. I have a meeting in the morning,” and the list goes on. If you want to revitalize that spark in the bedroom, a good place to start is by simply making your sexual relationship a priority. There are limitless ways to put your sexual relationship first, but the easiest starting point is simply flirting. Flirting can happen at almost any time, and you don’t have to be at home, alone to do it. You can send sexy and fun text messages, or softly touch your partner as they walk by. These flirtatious acts will pump up the sexual tension, and help your chemistry.

Regain an Emotional Connection

Although sexual intimacy is important in relationships, an emotional connection is the bond that will keep your marriage from falling apart. If you and your partner argue frequently, or simply don’t talk at all besides the necessary arrangements, it is important for you to simply start talking again. If you want to regain your emotional connection, start with a daily listening session. Take time after dinner or before bed to sit down, just the two of you, and really talk. Start off with how your day went, and naturally the conversation will flow into your stressors at work, what is bothering you deep down, and what you feel like you are missing in live. By having your partner listen to all your daily baggage, you will feel a weight off your shoulders. You will know your partner is there by your side to help you carry the load. This connection will link you two emotionally.

Start Having Fun Together

Remember when you were young, and it felt like you two against the world? You don’t have to lose that now that you have a family. Instead of spending all your time in the house together, schedule some date time outdoors. Go for a hike together, or if you aren’t a nature couple, go walk around your local mall. Try going on dates to restaurants you would have never tried before. See a movie or schedule a surprise date all together. Whatever you do doesn’t have to flashy or expensive. It's not about the quantity of the date, it's all about the quality. As long as you and your partner are having fun and laughing, your day out will be a success.

Experience Therapy Together

If by the time you’re reading this, you think your relationship is too far gone for these methods to work alone, don’t give up hope just yet. As long as both you and your partner are willing to put in the time and effort, couples therapy may be your saving grace. Therapists and counsellors at the Oakville Wellness Center may be able to help your relationship get back to the good days. Couples therapy sessions usually revolve around the same principles as above, sexual, emotional, and physical relationships. However, a therapist ensures you are not alone during your journey to revitalize your marriage. If your marriage has been on a rocky road for a while, rekindling the fire isn’t as easy as it sounds. A marriage counselor is there to talk you through the tough times, and ultimately help you and your partner find each other again.
Relationships are tough and messy, but also beautiful, loving and supportive. It can be easy for couples to lose themselves in life’s daily routine. If you feel this way, don’t lose hope. Reach out to your partner, and together, you can find love again.

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Are the Five Love Languages Real?

10/2/2018

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Gary Chapman’s book Five Love Languages was a popular read back when it came out in 1995. In fact the ideas the book contains are very accessible doesn’t make them any less valuable when it comes to applying the concepts to our relationships.

The essence of Chapman’s ideas are as follows. There are five basic ways that people understand and express love. They are:

Words of Affirmation: Loving terms of endearment are expressed through praise, appreciation or affectionate words.
Acts of Service: Small acts of kindness are performed without necessarily saying anything.
Receiving Gifts: Giving gifts is used as a way of expressing love and affection.
Quality Time: Affection and love are expressed by sharing undivided attention and time spent doing shared activities.
Physical Touch: Hand-holding, kissing, and sex are all ways of expressing love.

Most of Us Prefer One Love Language

Most people prefer one or two of these languages and feel most comfortable when expressing affection using their favourite methods, though most people have experienced or used several at some point.

If you’re not sure which of these languages is your go-to method for communicating affection to your partner, there’s a quick quiz on the Five Languages website that you can take to see what your dominant language is. What is even more useful, though, is to also have your significant other take the quiz. You’ll quickly realize that if you don’t speak the same love language there are times when you probably feel a bit misunderstood or under-appreciated.

If, for example, you’ve spent a lot of time selecting a special present for someone while you were on a trip and then notice that same present is still in the box the next time you come to visit, you may feel hurt that the recipient hasn’t placed the gift in a prominent spot. In fact, it could simply be that the recipient doesn’t place a lot of value on giving and receiving gifts. Instead, going for a walk and sharing stories of your travels might be more meaningful to this particular person.

Nurture Your Relationship by Understanding Your Partner’s Love Language

Nurturing your love relationships can be a little easier when you understand which love language your partner speaks. Someone who puts a lot of value on thoughtful gifts may well feel slighted when their birthday rolls around if you provide a voucher that offers to take out the garbage when it’s not your turn. For this person, that fancy new sweater they’ve been dropping hints about for weeks might have been the key to unlocking their heart.

The Love Languages Are Used All the Time

While many people turn to the five languages of love when they are thinking about their primary romantic relationships, thinking about the needs of others in these terms is helpful no matter what kind of relationship you share. Understanding how you react and communicate in different situations can be really helpful when it comes to asking for what you need to feel comfortable, valued, and appreciated at work, as a parent, or as a friend. It can also be very useful to acknowledge and accept that the other person just doesn’t roll the same way you do.

Love Languages Not Just a Nice Idea

Given that the love languages make a lot of sense intuitively speaking, it’s interesting to see that there is also some social science research that supports some of Chapman’s theories.
Giving Gifts
Gift-giving, for example, is believed to provide a tangible way of acknowledging how one feels towards another person. An interesting way to combine languages is to give the gift of an experience, which taps into both the psychology of gift-giving (and receiving) and the language of quality time.
Quality Time
Quality time means really paying attention to the person you are with, whether or not you are engaged in a shared activity. That process of taking the time to do something together does seem to matter when it comes to maintaining healthy, close relationships.
Physical Touch
If you took a general psychology course somewhere along the line you’ll remember the heart-rending experiments that deprived baby primates of contact with their mother. Given only a wire-framed form to cling to, the infants that had no physical touch languished. It turns out that humans also seem to be hard-wired to need physical touch. It’s no wonder that this language is one that people generally seem to understand and recognize as being important, even if it doesn’t wind up scoring highest in their language profile.
Words of Affirmation
Explicitly stating positive messages - whether in writing or by telling someone something positive can improve brain function and self-affirmation can help individuals stay focussed and balanced through challenging times.
Acts of Service
Doing a good deed makes both the doer and the recipient feel good. Dr. Rosser-Majors of Majors Leadership says that “…unselfish service inspires people… to go beyond, to aspire.” In turn, being the best version of ourselves makes it possible to nurture our primary relationships.

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How Does ADHD Affect Relationships?

9/25/2018

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Navigating a meaningful relationship can be difficult for anyone at times. When you have ADHD, however, the act of falling in love can be downright terrifying. Many troubling questions may flood your mind: Am I deserving of love? What happens if I mess this relationship up? If you fear that your ADHD (or your partner’s) might be putting a strain on your relationship, understand that not all hope is lost. With some patience, you and your partner can identify quickly what aggravates symptoms and work together to find sound solutions. To get started, keep reading to learn exactly how ADHD can affect a relationship.

People with ADHD May Take Criticism to Heart

Arguments happen. People annoy each other. These are basic truths even for those in the most loving of relationships. People with ADHD, though, might take even the most minor of disagreements personally. When scolded by their significant other, they internalize what is said and use it as “evidence” that they are inadequate in some way. The best way to avoid hurt feelings in such cases is to avoid accusing. Instead, try empathizing with your partner. Understand that you too have your weaknesses you want to work on and that doing so requires patience. Then forgive yourself for being imperfect. Forgive your partner for being imperfect. Accept that you both can only do your best when you have each other for support.

People with ADHD May Struggle with Emotional Outbursts

There is nothing worse than saying something you absolutely did not mean to say. Sometimes such things are said in a sudden flare of anger or sadness. For people with ADHD, these intense moments may happen much more often than they would like. Worst of all, those words hurt the people closest to them, and sometimes even sincere apologies seem ineffective in mending the wounds. What is important to remember is that a people with ADHD do not say such things from a place of malice; they say them because the symptoms of their illness have gone unchecked.

People with ADHD May Have Trouble Listening Carefully

It is generally understood that a relationship will be healthiest if both parties cooperate with full enthusiasm. That includes always listening to what the other person has to say, even if it seems uninteresting and even if you disagree. Those with ADHD might find it difficult to listen to their partners, even if they care deeply about what they have to say. When this happens, it is understanding for feelings to get hurt. After all, who likes to speak endlessly, only to find out not a single word stuck? But again: people with ADHD do not fail to listen because they want to hurt their partners. Their struggle can be attributed to the symptoms, not to any ill-will. Instead of losing your temper when your partner drifts off, try stopping and asking politely if he understands what you are saying and if he has any questions. Do so in a way that does not sound accusing but rather inviting--you want him to be part of the dialogue, even if he struggles sometimes. Helping someone with ADHD stay on track without judgment goes a long way.

People with ADHD May Be Disorganized at Times

Some people are meticulous with their belongings to the point they get annoyed when anything falls out of place. Others just place things wherever and don’t think much about a little clutter. Some people with ADHD fall into the latter category--and this can be very frustrating for their partners who pine for order. Instead of getting angry with your messy partner, you might offer to help her clean up. Understand that people with ADHD tend to respond well to structure. With this in mind, why not divide chores between you and your partner and set a schedule for when each chore gets done? That way, you can hold each other accountable--but gently so.

People with ADHD May Forget A Lot

Everyday life can be busy, and it does not help that we often feel pressured to remember: that anniversary, this birthday, and so on. ADHD often keeps the brain reeling, making remembering certain details even more challenging. If your partner has ADHD, you might feel frustrated when he forgets something that is very important to you. You might even assume that he does not care at all. Remember that most people do not set out to forget. It just happens. And a person who copes with ADHD might have to juggle mentally several details that the average person recalls without much thought. If forgetfulness is a problem for your partner, help him make a list of things he must remember: to feed the dog, to take out the trash, and so on. Again, structure tends to help people with ADHD immensely.

For more help with coping with ADHD and other mental conditions, visit Couples Clinic.

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Is Your Partner Struggling with Undiagnosed ADHD?

9/18/2018

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Undiagnosed ADHD is one condition that can be tricky to identify. While many people see it as a “childhood condition” that kids can grow out of, ADHD affects people of all ages and often requires lifelong management. In fact, almost 5% of American adults struggle with ADHD. That is not taking into account the estimated 20% who do not receive treatment to cope with their symptoms.

Nobody wants to see a loved one struggle with a mental disorder. Even so, when people find themselves on the receiving end of unpredictable behavior and untreated symptoms, they may experience every emotion from helplessness to anger. Understand that you are not alone. It is estimated that more than 40% of adults in the United States have ADHD severe enough to affect everyday life.

If you think your significant other may have undiagnosed ADHD, read on for some the most common symptoms in adults. Remember that it is important to use this information as a guide and not as an official diagnostic tool. A trained professional is best suited to give a proper evaluation and diagnosis.

Trouble Staying Organized

We are all guilty of being a little messy from time to time, especially when we are preoccupied with other matters. Some people with ADHD, however, find it significantly difficult keep their belongings in order. This symptom often goes beyond simply remembering where the car keys went or what happened to the remote. ADHD can also affect one’s ability to manage important tasks and complete them in a timely and satisfactory manner. This symptom might be especially troubling if it keeps your partner from staying at a fulfilling job.

Impulsive Behaviour

People with ADHD sometimes act impulsively. For instance, they might speak out of turn during a lecture. Moreover, they often find it difficult to consider the consequences of the actions and as a result might make decisions they will later regret. This might entail anything from making a crude joke in a less-than-ideal situation, to making strings of unnecessary compulsive purchases.

Poor Motivation

Sometimes ADHD makes people want to do everything at once, to the point they have trouble deciding what to do first. Other times, they can hardly muster the drive to get anything done at all. For instance, your partner might frequently fail to meet deadlines on projects at work.

Severe Anxiety

People with ADHD may seem as though they always have to be doing something. Therefore, it might be only natural to assume that their minds are always reeling. Indeed, people with ADHD often also exhibit heightened anxiety. This in turn leads to a sense of being able to rest when needed, which only perpetuates the anxiety. This symptom might manifest itself as a pacing or toe tapping habit. Maybe your partner has trouble sitting for long periods of time and frequently dismisses himself from the dinner table to let off some steam.

Fatigue

No matter how intense a person’s ADHD symptoms may seem, they eventually will likely run out of steam. When this happens, they risk falling hard. Suddenly, they can hardly keep their eyes open, after displaying seemingly bottomless energy just moments earlier. This fatigue can also come from insomnia, another condition with which many people with ADHD must cope due to their perpetually restless minds.

Poor Self-Esteem

Whether they have been formally diagnosed or not, people with ADHD are usually accustomed to being scolded for doing something “wrong” such as not paying attention or sitting still. As a result, they internalize these perceived failures and let them shroud their identities. You might notice this trait in your partner if she seems overly hard on herself and has trouble accepting genuine praise.

For more help with coping with ADHD and other common conditions, visit Couples Clinic.

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Coping with Unhealthy Emotions in a Healthy Way

9/4/2018

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Jealousy, anger, frustration, and sadness are all negative feelings that everyone experiences. Now, you may be asking, “if everyone else is experiencing these feelings, why am I the only one who seems unhappy?” What you, and many other people don’t realize is that the feelings themselves are not the issue keeping you down. If you can learn to deal with your emotions in a healthy way, you will find that your bad feelings dissipate; you are capable of seeing the world in a new light. If you would like to learn some healthy ways of dealing with your negative feelings, read on!

Try Journaling

One of the most useful suggestions for many people simply take some time to write down your emotions. This will help you keep track of your triggers and promote rational thinking. Oftentimes, when we experience negative emotions, our lives begin to feel out of control and the problems seem exaggerated. By getting your thoughts out of your head and onto a page, it is much easier to get to the root of the problem at hand. Facing your negativity head on will take care of it much more quickly than keeping it bottled up inside.

Breathing and Yoga Exercises

Breathing exercises as well as yoga poses are another healthy, yet simple way to deal with negative emotions. Practicing yoga poses will serve as a type of distraction and help you to center your mind. When you begin to focus on your physical technique, you will be able to release your negative energy.

This same release of negativity occurs in breathing exercises. Try downloading on of the many Mindfulness apps available. These apps offer guided meditation and breathing exercises that teach you to calm down and focus on yourself. By focusing on yourself, your negative, unhealthy emotions will begin to disappear. If you try technique in this article, make sure it’s this one. Practicing Mindfulness can take as little as 10 minutes of your day, and will go a long way to improve your mental health.

Hit the Gym

Exercise plays a pretty important role in helping to regulate your emotions. In the short term, it can trigger the brain to release endorphins, which help you feel happier and more engaged. In the long term, exercise also be a positive habit that adds a sense of accomplishment and stability to your life. Our main goal here is to create a constructive outlet that you can use to release your negative feelings. Bottling emotions is just as unhealthy as angrily releasing them through misplaced anger. If we can create a healthy distraction, you can use that as fuel for motivation. Take this time to power through an intense workout. If you’re dealing with anger issues, you can even take a kickboxing class to take out your anger on the mat instead of against a person.

Catch Some Z’s

Excessive desire to sleep can sometimes be a sign of depression, which is a good reason to visit a psychologist. However, if you are simply feeling overworked, or under-rested, a nap can work wonders. . Sleeping can also help you manage one of the key causes of unhealthy emotions, stress. A large amount of the populations are placed under an extreme amount of stress. Whether it stems from your school, work, or family life, stress is often the underlying cause of negativity. Because sleep is a natural stress reliever, you may find that taking time to rejuvenate will allow you to wake up feeling much better off than you felt pre-nap.

Regardless of what negative emotions you may be experiencing, the good news is that you are clearly taking a proactive approach to addressing them. (After all, you’re here reading this article, right?) Here at Oakville Wellness Center, we are ready to help you take control of your emotions and your life through insightful and compassionate talk therapy. Get in touch with us today to schedule your first appointment!

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5 Warning Signs of Addictive Behaviors

8/28/2018

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Although scientists are still discerning the fundamental causes of addiction, humans have realized that it can happen to anyone. What begins as an innocent habit leads down a dark path -- and returning from that path can be truly challenging. When a person develops a psychological need for a particular substance or action, it becomes very difficult to stop. In fact, some addicts even tell themselves that they have no desire to stop. They let their destructive behaviors tear them apart until all that remains is a shadow of who they once were. If someone you know is exhibiting any combination of the following symptoms, please ask them to seek immediate professional help.

Secrets and Lies

They say that everyone has a secret. What they don’t tell you is that some secrets are extremely harmful. In fact, sometimes they can be indicative of an even larger problem. If you feel as though your friend or family member has recently started keeping secrets from you, it is possible that they are going attempting to cover up an addictive behavior. You see, most, if not all addictions come with negative side effects. Whether it be substance abuse, sex, or gambling, most addicts know that loved ones may question their actions or try to intervene. Addicts might also think that, if they keep their habits secret, they will be able to indulge without fear of judgement. Here are some particular behaviors to watch out for:

Disappearing for hours at a time without explanation
Hiding phone calls and text messages
Avoiding straight answers or becoming defensive when questioned
Lying about where they’ve been, what they’ve been doing, or who they were with
Unexplained missing money

Eventually, those secrets will start leading to lies. If you notice that a loved one has lapsed in to lying to cover up their secretive behavior, It is probably time for the two of you to have a talk. If you discover that the person is struggling with an addictive behavior, let them know that they are loved, and encourage them to see a mental health counselor.

Legal Problems

Some addictive behaviors are even illegal, and those that aren’t innately against the law can still lead to legal problems. For example, a group of adults grabbing a drink after work can be a fun memorable experience. On the other hand, if one member of the party has a strong tendency to drink way too much, and then subsequently attempt to drive home. They are putting their life, and freedom in danger. If someone close to you has started racking up DUI’s or even arrests, there is an underlying problem. Sudden legal issues is a fairly large sign that someone is dealing with an addiction. Nobody wants to be arrested, but when struggling with an addiction, normal, law abiding citizens will stop at nothing to feed their psychosis.

Extreme Mood Swings

Especially when dealing with a potential case of substance abuse, watch out for extreme mood swings. When taking an illicit substance, the users mental state will experience great peaks and valleys. This will translate into periods of mania, euphoria, and depression. Because an addict experiences such a wide range of emotions, it can be difficult to get them help. If an addict verbally lashes out at you, remember to remain patient and calm. Any given day, an addict is experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions that will ultimately leave them feeling helpless and out of control.

Changes of Personality and Appearance

Drastic changes in personality and appearance are probably the most obvious warning signs of addictive behavior. Changes in outward appearance can be quite dramatic. Someone who is typically well dressed and full of life can very easily change into a vision of despair. An addict will do whatever necessary to meet their needs, even If that means selling nice clothes for cash. Often times, addicts will choose their substance or behavior of choice over sleep. If you know someone who is rapidly changing into a haggard, tired state. They may be in need of assistance.

Failure to Meet Obligations

Lack of punctuality and failure to meet obligations is another symptom of a debilitating addiction. An addict is going to be much more inclined to take part in their hedonistic behaviors than any other obligation. For this reason, many addicts have a hard time keeping work. In addition, addicts will lose friends who become tired of their inability to keep plans. Instead of disowning a loved one with an with their problem, try to realize that they have a disease. An addict needs to get professional help. Only then will an addict have a chance of recovery.

Scientists are still trying to figure out what some humans have more addictive personalities than others. If you know someone who may be dealing with an addiction, have them come over to Couples Clinic. Here, we will provide a safe environment for your loved one to get the help they need.

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