Relationships are hard work, and they require a lot of time, energy, and attention to maintain. Regardless of how much work each person puts into a relationship, they will still encounter conflict. The way people choose to handle conflict can make or break their relationship. One of the quickest ways to sabotage a relationship is to “play the blame game” when you have disagreements.
Placing blame on the other person leads to the blamee experiencing feelings of guilt and poor self-esteem, which in turn reduces intimacy. Receiving blame for a situation often causes people to feel defensive, and this can cause disagreements to escalate and create more conflict. Additionally, when people always blame someone else for problems, it eliminates their need to look at themselves and see where they should change, grow, or improve in the relationship. When negative situations are always the other person’s fault, there is no need for self-reflection and frustration continues to build, slowly chipping away at the relationship.
In order for a relationship to thrive, both members need to resist the urge to point fingers at one another and practice healthier ways to handle issues. Here are some ways to address points of conflict that will help build up your relationship instead of tearing it down:
Placing blame on the other person leads to the blamee experiencing feelings of guilt and poor self-esteem, which in turn reduces intimacy. Receiving blame for a situation often causes people to feel defensive, and this can cause disagreements to escalate and create more conflict. Additionally, when people always blame someone else for problems, it eliminates their need to look at themselves and see where they should change, grow, or improve in the relationship. When negative situations are always the other person’s fault, there is no need for self-reflection and frustration continues to build, slowly chipping away at the relationship.
In order for a relationship to thrive, both members need to resist the urge to point fingers at one another and practice healthier ways to handle issues. Here are some ways to address points of conflict that will help build up your relationship instead of tearing it down:
Practice Self Awareness
One of the best ways to stop playing the blame game in your relationship is to practice self-awareness. Make a conscious effort to be aware of any time you are tempted to place fault on someone else, and consider the role you might of played in creating the negative situation. When you own part of the problem, you will quickly realize that you do not have the right to place all of the blame on your partner. This will help you take responsibility and become more open to seeing what you can do and how you can change in order help solve the issue at hand. Your relationship will grow stronger as you face these obstacles together as a team.
Self-awareness also leads to more effective communication. When you practice introspection, you become more conscious of how your feelings and the different experiences you have encountered in your life shape the way you perceive conflict and communicate with others. Identify potential barriers to communication so that you are better able to listen and ameliorate conflict when it arises in your relationship.
Self-awareness also leads to more effective communication. When you practice introspection, you become more conscious of how your feelings and the different experiences you have encountered in your life shape the way you perceive conflict and communicate with others. Identify potential barriers to communication so that you are better able to listen and ameliorate conflict when it arises in your relationship.
Listen
When an issue comes up in your relationship, it is important for you to be willing to start a dialogue instead of a one-sided argument. One of the key components of a dialogue is that both people have the opportunity to speak. Listening is essential to positive conflict resolution because it allows you to understand the other person’s point of view and why they might have contributed to the problem at hand. Listen to how they feel about the conflict and their suggestions for resolving the conflict. If you notice your conversation begins to get out of control, take a break and come back to it later. Make sure that you take the time to truly listen and think about everything the other person has to say. Be ready to apologize for your role in the conflict if necessary. An open dialogue helps improve your awareness, and it allows you to work as teammates against a problem rather than individuals against one another.
Communicate
In many cases, conflict stems from poor communication. Promote effective communication by speaking up when there is a problem in your relationship and speaking with compassion and care. Do not allow your emotions and negative feelings to bottle up as you “build a case” against the other person in your head. Practice regular communication when you experience conflict so that the two of you can tackle conflict at the ground floor.
When you speak up about conflict in your relationship, do so without accusation. When you immediately place blame, your partner is likely to become defensive, and an argument might break out that will harm your relationship. One helpful way to make sure that you do not place blame when you bring up a conflict is to use “I” statements. For instance, saying, “I felt dismissed when you do not listen to my concerns” is far better than saying, “You never listen to me.” Explain how you are feeling and the steps you are going to take to resolve the issue, and create the space for your partner to have a dialogue.
Conflict is inevitable, so make sure you have the tools and methods needed to address conflict in a positive manner. For resources about handling problems and increasing communication in relationships, visit Couples Clinic.
When you speak up about conflict in your relationship, do so without accusation. When you immediately place blame, your partner is likely to become defensive, and an argument might break out that will harm your relationship. One helpful way to make sure that you do not place blame when you bring up a conflict is to use “I” statements. For instance, saying, “I felt dismissed when you do not listen to my concerns” is far better than saying, “You never listen to me.” Explain how you are feeling and the steps you are going to take to resolve the issue, and create the space for your partner to have a dialogue.
Conflict is inevitable, so make sure you have the tools and methods needed to address conflict in a positive manner. For resources about handling problems and increasing communication in relationships, visit Couples Clinic.
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